Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
