Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
