I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
