If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
