So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
