you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
