my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
