he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
