is your mom at the bar?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
