Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
