Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize