You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
