I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
