He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
