I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
