So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
