He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
