It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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