hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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