The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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