Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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