Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
