i just made my gag reflex go away.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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