Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
