DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
