I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
