I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
