SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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