She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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