I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
