Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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