I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
