I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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