we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize