I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
