Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just high enough for therapy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize