I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
