You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
