you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
