i was born a porn star she said
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
