Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
