Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
