i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
