I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
