remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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