Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
