i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
