please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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