I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
