I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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