The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
