I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
