She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
