dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
