You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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