I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
