I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
