So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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