You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
