mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
