if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
