the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
