no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
