I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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