Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
