it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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