I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
