You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
